Aug 21, 2023
With Joyce Weiss, Communication Coach and Author
Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you said, but how you said it?” Sometimes having a conversation with another person can be a potentially explosive situation filled with dangerous mixed messages. Judging by the expression on the other person’s face, it’s obvious that he or she completely misinterpreted your message. But it’s probably not their fault. Sometimes, despite our best intentions, what we mean to say gets “lost in translation” traveling from our brain to our mouth. Or, another example might be if we say something complimentary but our words come out all wrong. When we say, “Wow! You look wonderful for a woman your age!” instead of hearing the genuine compliment in our words, all she hears is “a woman your age.” It’s a stinging reminder of her age and that she looks good only in comparison to “older” women. Ouch! But being aware of the potential pitfalls in how we communicate could help us avoid these conflicts in the future. Today, we’re going to hear how to speak more appropriately with others in our life. My guest today is Joyce Weiss, a communication coach and author. She is known as the “Queen of Conflict Resolution,” Joyce is here to tell us about the most common conversational pitfalls and give us some tips on how to avoid them.
What You’ll Hear in This Episode:
Why do we often stick our foot in our mouth when we talk to others?
What is an example of “the gap” in conversation, and how can it save us from embarrassing ourselves or hurting someone else’s feelings?
What are some of the most common mistakes we make when we speak with others?
The importance of listening and making eye contact when having a conversation.
What are curiosity questions?
How can we help others feel more included at a social event or when introducing them to others?
How can we learn to communicate with other individuals who don't share our political or philosophical beliefs, but still insist on debating or lecturing us?
What should we say to people that are suffering or have an illness but still want to have a great conversation with them?
What is a conversation bully?
How to get away when someone keeps monopolizing the conversation?
How can we make conversations feel safe for others, where they feel less judged?
Certain people are gifted with the ability to speak with others in a way that draws people to them. These individuals can walk into a room and soon, even complete strangers feel comfortable in their presence. People genuinely enjoy speaking with them and feel an immediate sense of connection. But not everyone has that skill. The good news is that with practice, we can all learn to become better communicators. We can take advantage of the fact that we were born with two ears and one mouth. Since our ears rarely get us into trouble and our mouth often does, sometimes the safest route is to listen more and speak less. By becoming better listeners, we become better communicators. Remember that every day is a gift and the gift we get from learning to hold our tongue and speak to others without alienating them is a gift that will draw others to us and make our relationships with others infinitely richer. I’m Florine Mark and that’s “Today’s Takeaway.”
“The gap is the space in between, for us to think, hmm, how can I say this without putting my foot in the mouth? That gap is truly our friend. And many times we just don’t use it.” — Joyce
“It’s more important for people to feel heard than what we say.” — Joyce
“People really need to pay attention to the fact that it’s more important for them to feel heard than for what we say.” — Joyce
“Listen and ask those curiosity questions. We have to stop thinking about what we want to say in the conversation.” — Joyce
“Ask a curiosity question and so many times you can go a little deeper, and it’s a little easier.” — Joyce
“A safe conversation is when other people feel heard, and they feel comfortable speaking their voice.” — Joyce
“Stop taking everything so personal, and telling yourself the wrong story.” — Joyce
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